Yess...I'm a Princess!!

Herez d episode that is making me write this blog  after  5 days of the incident,still so fresh in my mind.Here it goes.

I went  for kinda village exposure.I have done lots and lots of workshops and every school that i had visited was nothing less than a success.But,the scenario here in kurnool was altogether different.Of the 5 schools i had been to,2 schools were really disappointing.There was nothing on earth that could move them by an inch.I dint realize the reason or may be i was completely flagged out so did not have the patience nor interest to know.

 Trust me,that was a real bad day...I had been shunting between my toilet and my bedroom ,puking since morning 4 :00 a.m.So i was not so fine with taking up the moderator's role.What so ever.
The ice breaking session was done by Chandu, and he was kinda perfectionist in that.He just got along the children so well....jus so well.I thought that would make my work of gliding to the other sessions lot easy.
Actually the total session would last upto max 3 hours.It was past 3 hours and we were satisfied not bit.The children there seemed so obtuse,reluctant,not so ready.....types.I was vexed.I was still busy puking besides.Chandu insisted me to wind the workshop up.So we planned to  wind up with a quick round of personalised counseling.And......And....................
During the personalized counseling,we hand the students out a sheet,an end line test to capture their info and some basic problem to study their backgrounds.There was this question "What are the problems you forsee to continue your education?"
A girl came and reported"Miru intha chinna place ichi ma kastaly rayamante,em ratamu.MA kastalu talchukunte edupu ostundi akka"
I was taken aback.In so many workshops the same question was asked,no child ever reported it this way.It was kind of shocking.She was surekha
I called the girl again.She dint turn up.How much ever i called her,she dint.Now i moved closer to her.The closer i was moving,the emo she became.When i just held her hand,she cried and cried and cried no end.I waited till her eyes drained off the tears.Then i asked her,what it was like.She blurted out her problems.

They had a kacha house.The father was an absolutly raw piece of shit who used to come home drunk and beat the mother upThe gals always wanted to study but the father used to sell or burn their books.One day,it had rained heavily.The mother was lying on the cot.And the wall fell over her.All the villagers had decided that she was dead,and just then a hand rose from the rubble.And that was her mother.She survived but remained as a piece of mass.And the father,used to beat the mother up crazily and madly and sickeningly.When the mother took to cots,the father got a smoother hand on the girls and planned to sell them off.Then had fixed the rates as well.What a father is he....Damn such fathers.
With intense search in her eyes,without winking her eyes,she asked "DO you have a mom"?I said ,I do.
She then asked me "How does your dad look after you?"
I said very well.
She called me "lucky girl"
She said,her mother wanted her study and grow as a successful teacher.She  asked me if she could ever.I did assure her that she would.She told me that she wanted to become a teacher to teach children like her,the lesson of a life time.I assured her she would.I pray she becomes I made a commitment that if the financial constraints wouldn't support her,i would.For the first time,my gut feeling said,my life would turn satisfied by supporting her life.Its not a baseless commitment i made,a commitment made in full conscience,with my sense of judgement and rationality.


There was another girl who asked me"You are the only girl among so many guys.You have traveled so far where your cry will not be heard at all.Are you not afraid?"
This really embarrassed me.I never faced such question nor did i ever think.I was left blank.No answer.But i was wondering as to why she asked me a question like that.
And a minute later i got my answer.She had hit the rock bottom of her life.She had seen her biological sister being raped by her father.She explains that her sister was left bleeding  on the bed and the father just kicked her off and moved on to another bottle of toddy.
What the f*** was that?
Shame on those fathers.


These girls never want to return to their houses because,they find these schools a heaven,a safer place to live in.
Each one had their own problems.
At the age of 12 they were being so vocal about their problems.Hats of to their courage who have lived through these problems and lived their lives.

Most of the children there,had problems with their fathers.Their fathers drink,beat mothers,kill mothers or the mothers commit suicide not being able to bear the fathers torture,children running away and what not...

I dint realize...the tears started rollin down my cheeks.I dint want to cry.But poor girls,left me no option.
In that tender age,they had seen what they shouldn't have.They had hit their rock bottoms of their lives.All the children there reported their problems not with the thought that i would solve them,but they would lighten their hearts by sharing their boiling emotions that had then found a vent to expression.I slipped into depression,no fear of that,i had my parents to back me up.I wanted do become a support for them.But how long and how many?I wonder if the father will ever stop drinking...i wonder,when a man wants to marry just because he can come and beat his wife up,he very well can marry a rock that would silently bear and one fine day break into pieces.I wonder if the men there just wanted to enjoy their daughters they could as well go to the brothel house and enjoy.I wonder if the fathers did not want to have a child,why the hell did he not use any precautions.
A child is not born because he can be thrown away into a dump.A girl is not born with a sales tag,she is  not born to be sold.
I dunno how do i sound in this blog or what do i convey in this blog.But all i know is that i just wanted to vent my frustration.I just wanted to understand that values don't exist any more.I'm not even sure if these values would ever make any sense to such thick skinned beasts.
Christ!
If you exist,show them a way to live their life happy.Give them a life that is secure and safe.

I was born in good family with all d pretty luxuries in life.I had very sound childhood,educated parents,very nice education and lots of fun and loads of love and tons of affection.
I always called myself a princess!

I have had a sound childhood and everything was in its best for me......Yes I'm a princess and yet  i feel low today.