SETTLEMENT- a convoluted and byzantine web!

The words of regret of a women born in 60s into a conservative family.

I was 4 when I saw, a man drive on the roadway in a big car, I screamed in glee and said, I wish I had one.’My father returned a nasty look and said “Study well, grow, settle and buy one”.

I treated “Settle “ to be a sacred word and highly regarded it.

I turned 12, I saw my teacher come drenched in perfume, wear Eiffel touching stilettos and ears pierced  and wished I would be one so one day, when she said” Study well , grow, settle and groom yourself as you wish”.

I wondered what means to settle

I turned 15 and wished to learn to play violin , I was snubbed “First settle down and then do what you wish to”.

I turned 18 and wished to have a boyfriend like all others of my age,my grandad admonished and curtailed my wish saying “ Fetch one after you Settle”

I hated the word settle

I was now wedded and on a tour with my husband I saw a solitary soul cry, I told my hubby that I wished to lend  my shoulder to her to lean on, he said rather firmly”Baby, let our wedded life settle and then you may lend anything”

I now had a child, and saw a man starve in hunger, shiver in cold thunders , I ventured to give the warmth.On my return I was rebuked of not being a good mother for having wasted time that was meant for helping my child settle.

My child grew 8 years and had learnt a new word in English “ACHIEVEMENT” and asked me “Momma what did you achieve in your life?”

I was jolted by the question and remained paralyzed .My thoughts rolled back as the tears rolled down my eyes . I had spent 46 years of my life just gathering guilt, guilt of not being able to do anything, resentment of my lack of resistance to them.

I resent for having surrendered to the obnoxious word called “SETTLE”

I loathe myself for my inability to live  my wishes and punish myself for bottling up them.

The next day morning kiddo asked me the same question “Mom, you didn’t answer me, what have you achieved in your life”

I answered, “Son, my achievement in my life was a learning, which  I’m going to share with you now.

Son, we are not really sure how long our life would be, to be precise, we have a short life.In this short life , we will come across a a web called “SETTLEMENT”.I learnt that settlement is not “the act of making stable or putting on a permanent basis” according to your father or my father’s dictionary.But it much bigger than that.I learnt that it’s a process, a never  ending one and that wisdom  lies in accommodating tiny wishes during this process of stabilizing.I understood that I have been compromising with the little of my dreams , held up in this intricate web I also learnt not to surrender to the word of settlement and live life as it comes.”  I wish you don’t spend your years in settling and then realize that all these years you have just been  settling little noticing that there you have lived it mechanically.,Son life is an alloy of experiences, experiences sprouting from determination, happiness, sorrows, romance, hunger, fancies, wishes, whims and lots more.Live it moment by moment”

I dream of a day...

Note:The below words are based on the conversation i had with a rag picker-ruqsaar, aged 7 and here she speaks her heart through my words.

I dream of a day,

When all the children will hold pens in their hands instead of fidgeting sticks.

Where all the children will look for letters and words and numbers instead of plastic, ploythene and glass.

Where all the children will be in their divine classrooms and not in the filthy trash bins.

Where all the rag pickers will will wear a satchel with books and not a sack of trash flung on their shoulder

Where no child's hands are engaged in dish washing , but in holding an abacus and a globe.

Where no child will ever lie on the pavement and dream about being in school.

 I dream of a day,

Where all the people will be lettered,

Where a child spells his name as kalam and not as kalim,

When all the people will sign with a pen and the stamp pads seem redundant

Where the president’s son and a scavenger's son sit on the same bench and learn the lessons  of life.

Where education becomes a breathing right of every child born!

When  we all  be the preachers and the teachers to the world.

I have a dream that each of my fellow brothers and sisters will transform this dream of an educated India, real.

Oh Lord of Rains...

Oh lord of rains!
Here is the chronicle of our complaints.
At distance, i see a horizon
on the lands, parched by the hot scorching sun.


I see the rivers and the ponds dry,
and found people in hunger, cry.


Deep in their throats, thirst i found,
Sad and sullen is how they sound.


Seasons passed by, there were no crops,
for the planet was and there were no rain drops.


Pots empty, withering trees,
lives were everything but at ease.

The globe turned impoverished and torrid,
with no food, no water, no hope, no life, the thought was so horrid.


I learnt that earth and sky can never ever meet,
this was the humblest way of nature's deceit.


Sans food, sans water, sans life, sans hope,
darkness invading,life was on a drooping slope.


Tightly shut my eyes under the sky in desperation,
the result of pain,hnger, thirst, laceration.

I felt on my forehead, a cold rainy pearl,
opened my eyes in surprise to see the life take a twirl.


Witnessed the heavy downpour,
like it happened in ages, never before.


Had seen the dead grass turn lush green,
felt an unknown mystic sheen.


Saw many like me bouncing back alive,
souls and spirits jumping  in mirth and jive


Blessings that the rain showers
propels  us to move ahead with renewed powers


the rain washed our fears,
the rain dried our tears,


It turned us a new leaf,
instilled in us a new belief.


I realised after arid summers, come the fresh springs,
depleting the dearth, repletes with he mirth it brings


Oh lord of rains,
there are no more complaints
bring loads and loads of rains,
drain away all our pains,
bring in all new gains.:)

The road i taken ......The beauty i had seen...

Oh wow!!What a road. Mind-blowing!! Uff!!!

It was a hot summer afternoon …the sun hates mankind I believe. He was scorching with what vengeance I say…..as if it was his meticulous plan to just keep his heat focused on us and  parch us down.

Like a traditional conventional Indian girl I walked with my head bowed down, unable to lift my head up to see the abhorring rays striking my eyes.

With my eyes bent down and walking towards my office, I watched the beauty of the Road I had taken. I watched a long stretch of the road over crowded by people, vehicles, vendors and lot of other things which I’m going to describe now.

The long jet black tar road was parched and little here there in traces, among people and vehicles and vendors and stalls I could finally make out the road that turned grey. This little shown faded grey road was aesthetically decorated with rainbow colors of chocolate wrappers, pan parag sachets, cigarette cartons, bus tickets, water sachets, frooti tetra packs and lots. The rainbow colored slack was actually pricking me in my eyes.  Probably I was not able to take in the immense beauty on the road that the people had created.

I then faced the sun with very lil respect, my head now bowed at certain inclination. Wow! Wall paintings…amazing!

I saw how beautifully the walls along the road were decorated with graffiti designs made out of pan and pan parag spits. Further, behind the graffiti I somehow could trace a feebly written note “PLEASE DO NOT SPIT HERE”. And also very respectfully calling people who take as their birth right to spit at places where they are not supposed to, as  Donkeys through this vaguely seen note “YAHAAN THUKNA MANA HAI.THUKNE WALA GADHA HAI!”

I saw the compound wall that was raised for security, had become a graffiti board. Kudos to the fabulous resourcefulness!

Wow! I then was at the line of sight with the dump yards.  The huge blue coloured iron dust bins the outside of which , were so  artistically decorated with plastic bags, wrappers , bottles ,clothes, ,dead rats, hungry cats, broken bats, syringes, blood stained cotton, leftover food rotting and lots more that was far beyond my level of perception and comprehension and what’s worth mentioning is that the bin was empty.

Just a min later, I saw a man come running with two huge plastic bags full of scrap I guess. I thought GHMC had lifted the plastic ban, looking at the human sized plastic bags. HE came so close to the dump bin and dumped the bags just close to the mouth of the bin. Poor chap; he was in such a hurry that he had all the time to walk towards the bin but no time to dump it in the bin.

Ah what day of aesthetics! I was flabbergasted by the resourcefulness coupled with exquisiteness that had created an environmentally rotting Alluring adorableness. Thumbs up for all who have made these places dirty enough to shun resent repent and regret!

Hey soul sister!

            It is an association of over 21 years now.And I'm just more than happy to express what it feels to be associated with her.Shez sweet,shez funny,shez cute,shez foolish,shez lazy,shez ...lots. Can’t find words describing her.

Since my childhood,i have been fighting with her for a trifle and winning over her, just because she gives in. I realized it just recently.

She is fun to be with. shez an old wine,or atleast she was.

We speak a language that only she and i can understand,call it our ciphered language or slang...no bothers.

Shez some one with the best of the lines in her palm and the best of the writings on her forehead.I can prove it with hell lotta examples.For now,i'l keep it simple,for something that i toil night and day,putting my heart,mind and soul and everything else,she gets it done in a jiffy without even planning to do it.WOW!m J!!!

Separations have made our bond stronger!

1)Our first separation was way back when i was in my 4th standard and she had to go to Madhya Pradesh for a Scouts and Guides camp.And there i go.....i went to the station and cried horribly,so horribly that my dad still resents recollecting that day.

It is just so amazing of her, she got so many things for me to play with :))))Selfish me.....muaahhhahahaaa!!:D

2)We then got separated for the second time dated...Sept 14th 2006,gearing up for a separation for a longer gap of 4  and  a half years.I was then doing my Inter second year and she was in her B.Tech second year.We had to get separated because my mom and dad were transferred.I didnt necessarily confess that i would miss her beacuse that was the time when i thought crying would make me feel weak or atleast they would think i'm weak.I remember when i rushed to the washroom and shed my tears uncontrollably and came out as if every thing was fine and pretended as if i was happy getting separated.4 and half years...really long time.Damn IT!!!

I was waiting desperately  for my family reunion that had become a dream then.

3)We then got separated for the third but last time i suppose....This time it was and still is really long!November 2nd 2011.This time she got married.All the days soon after the wedding dates were fixed went away in her wedding preparations and we did not actually have time to spend with one another.I was so happy that I would now have my ATTIMBER(JIJU) home…I was so happy that my miss sister had turned Mrs. And very happy that she would be typically an Iyer Mami in her 9 yards sari…..I was happy for all the reasons.On Nov 2^nd when she was leaving,I was still busy packing up her luggage…and I did not realize that the time has come to say bye to her….

The scene at the railway station.Time:6:40 p.m

Everybody was taking turns to hug her and cry and give some fresh nuptial tips.She then came to me and held me and said “Akka…main jari”.I didn’t know,what was happening to me…it was kind,I lost a beat of my heart…It was then I realized that she would be off to Blore…to her family.My heart was just crushed I felt.

Some one with whom,I have been with,for so so so many years would now be gone.I suddenly turned around and hugged and cried my heart out.I really miss her.I'm J of my jiju who stole my sister….probably that’s how  it is supposed to be.

It has been a month and a half now…I have been missing her like hell.Time has taught me what she means to me..

She has been my mentor,implicitly.She was somewhere my guiding spirit.I still remember the day before my SST exam of 8^th class when she had made  a sample question paper and the very same questions appeared the next day.WOW I passed in SST!Same did she do for my EDC exam…Although i don't have examz now,i still miss your mentoring! 

Times in my sleep when I used to get up with some obnoxiously scary dreams…I remember how I used to hold your hand that used to used to calm me down.I miss it!

Our day used to begin everyday at 11:00 P.M after our dinner and it would encroach into the next day nearing 2:00 a.m or so… My day ends by 11:00 p.m now. I miss it.

Our mornings used to begin with screams…it doesn’t happen now..I miss it!

You were there to stand beside me as a pillar of support for everything and anything even if I were wrong.:P…I miss it!

I miss those moments when we shared the lighter moment, when we had become pillows to one another, when we became confidants, when we partnered our mischief, when we used to hang out together, when we cried together, laughed together, fought together…Gone are those days…Would not have them again akka.

Where ever I go,whatever I do,you would be my bulwark…lest I fall!

Billi (how she was fondly called)…I really love you and …I miss you so much..I know I have been a fool at times, sick at times, mad and crossed at times…please forgive for that!

Ahead of all these..i have something to say..I'm fortunate enough that i had you in my life,shared 21 years of my precious life with my priceless pearl and thanks so much!!Love you loads and wish for all the happiness to come your way!!

2 mins......okay.....cheers!

Wouldn’t find a better opportunity to post this...

A post dedicated to sum1 very close 2 my heart.....Chandrasekhar alias Chandu.

It was somewhere in july,that i had seen him for the first time in green chex,super tall...First words of Chandu ”Hi guys!”

Mayur then called us for a small round of introduction with Chandu.We all introduced ourselves and it was his turn....He began with saying “Hi guys!I’m Chandrasekhar.You can call me Chandu .I’ve done my MBA from BITS Pilani.      I had worked with JP Morgan ...........My aim in life is to have  a chain of schools that provide value based education..............”

I probably  did not understand his thought over value based edu.I’m kinda obtuse to understand things much higher than my level of understanding.:P(a confession)

But a glimpse of Chandu,all that remained in my mind is...

1)he is Chandu..:P

2)he worked with JPM

3)He is  a pass out from BITS Pilani.

4)Seemed like he was extremely passionate about what he was doin.
There are lots of other things offline as well.....

Flash news!

And i got a tadang news or rumour or whatever....”Chandu was joining EHL as the new CEO”OMG!

I happened to visit ISB for some reason where I had met one of Mayur’s friend Hasa.After the session at ISB ,on our way back,she had asked me about people from BITS who were working for Nirmaan.I named one by one when I said that some guy Chandrasekhar is going to be the new CEO of EHL.

She exclaimed “You mean PUCH?”

I was wondering...what’s Puch! She then said that he was  much known as PUCH.

Oh wow PUCH!

The name Puch was sounding so good.Mast!PUCH PUCH PUCH!

I had a chance of speaking to Chandu through Chandu’s brother Rajasekhar for a career workshop in a BC welfare hostel.

I had seen RajaShekhar and he was kinda a similar to Chandu.

OMG! Their height,the way they talk,their jestures,their mannerisms .......wow!

I and my sister resemble in no bloody sense.

Back to EHL...

If m not wrong, it was August 22^nd that he officially joined as our new CEO.

I had a  full time, kind of immaculately dressed, hopefully nice CEO....:P

Nice!There was someone under whose constant watchful eyes,we were working..LOL!

It was my turn for one-on –one......

My first talk:

The description goes like this.....

He was in blue striped shirt. He had an add gel black pen in his pocket, a wonderful jet black Matrix diary in his hand.We walked our talk . We headed towards our office canteen,he took a few steps ahead of me and turned back and asked me “Chai tagutava geetha” in a typical rustic style.

I was dumbstruck............:O

Thoughts running in my mind.....A guy from BITS Pilani,A guy who worked for JPM and had been abroad, someone so professional...i did not expect him speak so.aah..!

2 minutes:

Gradually i started feeling pretty much comfy with Chandu and the working environment was really a feel good thing.We got really busy in frequent meetings.He brandishes his hands and says “Geetha! 2 minutes...” to call for  a meeting and trust me the meeting never ends in 2 mins,it doesn’t even start in 2 minutes.

Okei:

He has a typical way of giving his okei.His okei takes a raag,a raag that is tpically Chanduish...:P

Cheers!:

Every small accomplishment, every small or big meeting, every tiny or big delivery ...ends in a “cheers” by Chandu!..:D

Some things i now know about Chandu...

·        He is very spiritually inclined.

·        He is very yogic in nature....:P I mean,believes  in lot of yoga and stuff and suggests me also to do....:(

·        He loves adventures

·        He never compromises on any enjoyment in life.

·        Every experience in his life is MAST to him.

·        Loves playing cricket..infact he is crazy about it.

·        He stands as a  bulwark of support

·        He is a pillow to lean on, at times of distress, time  we feel low.

·        He is never caustic in speech.

·        He gives mast, solid comparison......”Sachin kabaddi addoddura......”OMG! what a bottom line!

·        He sees life as a collection of experiences.Lives Life King Size..:))

Best moments:

1)In Kurnool,wen i was feeling so damn low , it was he who had backed me up and reassured me.And trust me,i was feeling lot lot and lot better.Thank you so much for that.

2) Joy of seeing...: P

During the joy of giving week,I was so desperately waiting to see someone to boost our spirits and the busy bees of EHL, Chandu and Charan had just been making empty promises. With the sickening feeling of distress and discontent was talking about YV to someone, wen I suddenly saw Chandu come from somewhere.Oh my GOD! My energy levels were boosted by many manifolds.Hammayya......I finally had Chandu visit our stall.

The best of the best moments during the joy of giving week was, when I was introducing Chandrasekhar alias Chandu to Chandrashekharan, a dad that Joy of Giving week had given me.:))

3) I always wanted to have my team, my home.Occassions just passed by, but I wasn’t able get my team home. It was somehow donot know how....time just got the stork!

OMG! The whole of my team was coming home. It was on 3^rd December, 2011 when Chandu, Vikram, shalin, Phani, Rajesh had come home. Trust me...I was more than happy to have all of them home.A day I cannot forget. It was just an hour and a half that we spent time together, but did dwell in deep in my heart.

4) "Miru navvite acham Prakash Raj leane untaru"

Our first workshop in the  presence of some governing member......cold feet!

The workshop was in a residential boys hostel at borabanda. Shalin, Chandu,Prem and I were travelling by MMTS train to borabanda. There was this not so filmy type placement of these two guys who walked straight and occupied their positions at the other door of the compartment.:D

 There came a drunkard.....aah!yukkk!He was kinda about to get messy with us...when the girls rightful places were allotted their places.We were offered to stand at the door side.The drunkard was just so sickeningly ogling at us.....EWWWWW!!!!

There was something,we laughed at....When the drunkard moved closer to Chandu.My heart stopped beating and began thumping.I’m basically very scared of Drunkards.......HE moved a little more closer.My heart thumped harder.HE came close to chandu’s ears and said “Saar....Miru navvite acham Prakash Raj lekane untaru”

Hahahahaa..............................

I have no clue of my reactions,some smiles within..just limited to me.More of cluelessness was about Chandu’s reactions...Should he be Happy for the compliment or be embarrassed or should he feel something else!Mast!Just cannot imagine forgetting this moment.

4)Ghajini

I had turned ghajini.I suddenly started forgetting things,completely blacked out.I was making so many bloody mistakes couldn’t count properly,couldn’t write properly,couldn’t think properly.Grrr.....It was not me,just not me.It was crunch time,last moment for the reports to be submitted when i made a mess with the cover pages.All the work was done again by Chandu and swear....I was blinded by tears of guilt!

He did not tell me anything,just nothing...just a soft touch spoke it all,spoke volumes!.

I was at the heights of forgetfulness and he at peaks of patience...Had it been some one else,they wouldn’t have spared me for any reason. You are really a gem of a person Chandu,atleast so far I’m concerened.:).Jiyo Jee Bhar ke!

At the closing note: Not that I’m being too generous with my words.....

He is really a nice person to be with. I have shared some of the lightest moments with him,shared some darker,and gloomy moments as well.It feels really great to be around him.. He is my friend first and then my CEO.:P

Sorry for keeping this post really long...but I believe, you are anyways worth it.

Hope your birthday blossoms into lots of dreams come true,

Hope that every candle on your cake you get a wonderful surprise,

May the years to come be filled with sunshine, smiles, laughter and love .

With tons of happiness, prosperity and success coming your way....i wish you a great birthday Chandu.:)))

Luv u tonzz!